Bravery

I turn on the TV when I don't want to think of anything, not a single thing.

The TV is on but all I want to do is think.

Of anything.

This is really hard.

Was ich will.

And if the snow buries my
My neighborhood
And if my parents are crying
Then I'll dig a tunnel
From my window to yours
Yeah, a tunnel from my window to yours

You climb out the chimney
And meet me in the middle
The middle of the town
And since there's no one else around
We let our hair grow long
And forget all we used to know
Then our skin gets thicker
From living out in the snow

You change all the lead
Sleeping in my head
As the day grows dim
I hear you sing a golden hymn

Then we tried to name our babies
But we forgot all the names that
The names we used to know
But sometimes, we remember our bedrooms
And our parent's bedrooms
And the bedrooms of our friends
Then we think of our parents
Well, what ever happened to them

You change all the lead
Sleeping in my head to gold
As the day grows dim
I hear you sing a golden hymn
The song I've been trying to sing

Purify the colors, purify my mind
Purify the colors, purify my mind
And spread the ashes of the colors
Over this heart of mine!

This is the most romantic song.

Das Leben ist schoen. Das Leben ist verwirrend.

Dieser Zeitpunkt des Lebens ist chaotisch und scheint immer durcheinander zu sein. Ich weiss nicht, ob ich das mag oder nicht. Es ist doch spannend, dass alles was ich im nächsten Jahr entscheide so wichtig ist, aber das heisst, dass ich Angst kriege, dass ich was falsch machen werde. Meine Mutter hat mich gestern informiert, dass sie ab nächstes Jahr mir nicht mehr mit meiner finanzielle Situation helfen wird. Ich verstehe ganz genau warum sie nicht mehr helfen kann, aber jetzt bin ich unter Druck gesetzt, Geld zu verdienen. Der Zustand mit meinem ehemaligen Freund ist auch was neues, weil ich nicht mehr weiss, was ich von ihm will. Seit einige Tage habe ich mir gedacht, wie schoen es wäre, ein Jahr in Spanien zu verbringen. Früher wollte ich Englisch in Brasilien unterrichten, aber ich denke die Atmosphäre in Spanien sehr hilfsvoll und entspannend wäre, eine neue Sprache zu lernen. Die Jobs, die ich haben will, benötigen Englisch-Spanisch zweisprachige Leute. AHHHAHAHHAA. Ich will Abenteuer. Aber ich will ihn. Die Frage könnte wohl sein: will er mich?

So viele ausländische Studenten/innen kommen zu Innovation Point und ich frage mich WARUM? Ich stimme zu, dass Innovation Point sehr geniessbar ist, aber warum so viele Ausländische?

Ich weiss nicht wie ein Erwachsene zu sein.

Ich finde morgen heraus ob ich den Job bei KU Auslands Amt bekommen habe oder nicht. Ich hoffffffffeeeeee schon.

Saturday mornings in Bonn in the Spring are possibly one of the most pleasant things I've experienced. The sights, smells, and sounds are completely different than they were in the Winter. Hello big, beautiful Magnolia and Cherry Blossom trees. Hello warm sun. Hello rich green grass of the Hofgarten. Ich liebe Bonn und Deutsch sprechen und will niemals nach Hause. Scheisse.

ICH WILL EIN ABENTEUERLICHES LEBEN. ICH WILL NIE ARBEITEN ODER VERANTWORTUNG HABEN. Is that too much to ask?

1. The fact that we have to pay for education in America is abhorrent to me. To have an educated society who not only have passed classes but who actually have been taught to think and reason is the most valuable asset a country can have. Why then would we make it so financially strenuous that only the very wealthy can study what they want and all others must make it quickly through university, studying something 'reasonable' in order to produce the most amount of money in the end. Our whole culture is whirling around this idiotic human construction called money when we should be more concerned with having worthwhile citizens.

I have a lot more to say but I am myself bemuehen und deswegen sage ich auf wiedersehen. Ich mache meine Hausafgaben wie ein braves Maedchen.

Biking is all I do

I LOVE BIKING!

Unfortunately I have a shit-man-bike whose gears are messed up and who rattles everywhere I take it. However, the one redeeming quality (other than that it does, in fact, go) is its seat, which is a beautiful shade of green.

I ride it to my internship three days a week (the other days too, but not as much) and have become increasingly more in love with bike riding. I think that I'll invest in a good road bike when I get home.

I ride thirty minutes down the main street through the old government quarter from when Bonn was the capital. The buildings were just business buildings when the government moved in, and resumed being business buildings when the government moved out. Men in black suits rolling briefcases in my bike lane give me looks that are mixed between envious and resentful. I can't tell if they are wanting to be me, free and fast on my bike, or if they are unimpressed and irritated that I've gotten in their way. From the German kids whose parents can afford to send them to the English preschool (for another post: how stinkingggggggggg cute they are) I go to Tannenbusch, the poorer part of Bonn. I help the kids there with their English homework, but my ride to Tannenbusch (where there is a high concentration of Middle Eastern immigrants) is much different than to Bad Godesberg (upper middle class). I wanted to somehow explain the shocking disparity that I am confronted with, but all of the sudden I have no words which are not cliche or devoid of real meaning. I'll just say that it's alarming. It's a different world that these kids live in--and they're only 15 min away from each other by car.

That's not what I wanted to write about though! I just wanted to say: Hey! You! Get out of my bike lane!

Also, I love love love cold coffee.

Higher!

1. Poppelsdorferallee is one again like driving under a balcony of trees

2. Mechanics of people flow in and out of a bottleneck..the logistics, psychology of it.

There is no word to describe life.

took my lucky break and I broke it in two,
Put on my worried shoes, my worried shoes,

Took me so many miles and they never wore out,
My worried shoes, my worried shoes,

Oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo, my worried shoes,

I made a mistake that I never forgot,
Tied knots in the laces of my worried shoes,

Every step that I take is another mistake,
I march further and further away in my worried shoes,

Oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo, oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo, my worried shoes,

My shoes took me down a crooked path,
Away from all welcome mats,
My worried shoes,

I looked all around and saw the sun shining down,
Took off my worried shoes, my worried shoes,

Oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo, oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo, oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo,
My worried shoes.

I will never believe in mistakes. I can't! Things just happen like they happen. And that's it. And everything is ok.

"I could think about the past and what I'd been through as I struggled to locate myself and learn what the heart is. Perhaps in the future I would live more deeply. And so I sat in the center of this old city that I loved..I was surrounded by people I loved, and I felt happy and miserable at the same time. I thought of what a mess everything had been, but that it wouldn't always be that way." From The Buddha of Suburbia. An alright book although I would not necessarily recommend it.