Rolling on.

Since when did caring too much become a bad thing?

You have to believe in the possibility of change before change can happen.

Frozen images. In my head. Come back. Everything's thawed. And's been molding in my Abwesenheit.

Pathetic!

"HELL IS not empty. On the contrary, according to the Holy See’s Promoter Of Justice, Msgr Charles Scicluna, hell is full of paedophile priests.

Speaking on Saturday in St Peter’s at a service of reparation for abuse committed by priests, Msgr Scicluna suggested that priests guilty of paedophile abuse were destined for particular punishment in the afterlife "

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY YOU SHOULDN'T TOUCH KIDS SEXUALLY BECAUSE YOU'LL GO TO A SPECIAL HELL? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SAY YOU SHOULDN'T DO IT BECAUSE IT MESSES UP THE CHILDREN?

Travelling north, travelling north to find you
Train wheels beating, the wind in my eyes
Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you
Call out your name love, don't be surprised

It's so many miles and so long since I've left you
Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you
But suddenly now, I know where I belong
It's many hundred miles and it won't be long

Nothing at all, in my head, to say to you
Only the beat of the train I'm on
Nothing I've learned all my life on the way to you
One day our love was over and gone

It's so many miles and so long since I've met you
Don't even know what I'll say when I get to you
But suddenly now, I know where I belong
It's many hundred miles and it won't be long

What will I do if there's someone there with you
Maybe someone you've always known
How do I know I can come and give to you
Love with no warning and find you alone

It's so many miles and so long since I've met you
Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you
But suddenly now, I know where I belong
It's many hundred miles and it won't be long

It won't be long
It won't be long
It won't be long

My life is unreal. This weather has made me pretty much euphoric. I have pictures of Muenster but I don't want to show them to anyone because it does not do the past two days justice. So very lucky. I love life; I love living.

Wake up and appreciate things!

Neue Gedanke, neue Wörter.

Warum mag ich Deutsch so sehr? Es ist eigentlich unerklärbar aber trotzdem wahr. Ich schreibe eine Hausarbeit über meinen Arbeit bei der englischen Preschool und Zweispracherwerb und muss dafür viel recherchieren. Obwohl es viel Arbeit braucht, bin ich froh, weil ich so viel lerne, besonders die Fachwörter, die man für die Linguistik braucht. Ich bin auch gespannt die Dinge, die ich lerne, in die Wirklichkeit zu sehen.

Die Wahrnehmung und die Sprache entwickeln gleichzeitig...was bedeutet das für den Zweispracherwerb? Was bedeutet das für Nationalitäten? Sehe ich die Welt irgendwie anders, bzw. anders als eine Deutsche nur weil ich Englisch als Muttersprache habe?

Gute Fragen finde ich, aber ich kann dir noch nicht alles erklären. Mal sehen, was ich herausfinde. :) Bin gespannt.

Wir kommen nicht mehr zusammen. Ist mir gestern eingefallen. Scheisse! FUCK. Scheisse.

Ok. Yesterday was bad, but don't think that I'm having a miserable time here. I need some Vitamin D in my system and the sun is refusing to shine. How much longer before it comes back from its strike?

Explosion frustration

Hello again.

Do you ever get sick of yourself?

I can hardly stand myself right now. It's like I'm so afraid of being a certain way that I'm inadvertently becoming exactly that which I don't want to be. I am so self absorbed, self loathing, yet constantly trying to prove myself which, as you can imagine, leads yet again into the cycle of getting something in my head, half heartedly attempting it, failing, knowing I would fail, telling myself it's ok, I didn't really try that hard anyway, etc. It's disgusting and I hate it. An 'out' that I have, out of the work that I have to do here is thinking about going home. If my mind is in the future and in Kansas, I don't even realize that I'm not doing what I need to here. It's all fairly optional, but only in that I'm not held responsible for any of the information until finals, but having gone through that last semester, I know that that is no way to do a class. It sucks. It is hard. You end up with acceptable but less than ideal grades. Freaking Geschichte der Industralisierung. Ich hasse dich.

This morning, for instance, (too many commas? I use a lot of commas. They seem to fit everywhere.) I got up at 7.45am. Plenty of time to get all the reading done, run, cook myself something yummy, and surf around the internet for a while. Ask me. Ask how much of that I have accomplished today. I didn't even smoke, as is the the normal reason for my lack of actual progress. I got NO reading done. One page. (Sidenote: An article on German literary tendencies and time periods/classifications proved doch zu schaffen, aber das war fast ohne Wert. Ohne massbare Wert soll ich sagen.)

The worst part of hating yourself is how self absorbed you have to be to do so. I wouldn't have this problem if I were more focused on the work to be done instead of myself and how I'm feeling. God. This sucks.

That's all I feel like writing right now.

But even though this is a weird phase, life is good. Life is always good. Remember that, for only when that is forgotten is hope lost. Things will get better. They always do.